Here goes the start of ANOTHER week of fresh, brand-new material to study.

SMH.

Is it bad that I'm not feeling as pressed about this new section of material as I was about the material before my first exam? Like my next exam is next Friday (Oct. 2) but I've been pretty chill about studying and I'm just more lenient with what I'm studying. Maybe it's because I know how I'll be tested so some of that beginner's anxiety is gone? Maybe it's because I'm finding more efficient ways to study? Or maybe it's because I'm just starting to slowly burnout already?? Nahhh…It's only been about a month since anatomy started, I can't possibly be burning out. I'm actually all caught up in my studies from this week…or at least I think I am. We've gone through the whole GI (gastrointestinal) system and pelvic region in a week as well as had four lab dissections of the GI tract in the same amount of time. Try and imagine what that smelled like. 

But even with all that, I feel alright…almost like I'm starting to get used to the flow of medical school. Sure, waking up around 6:45-7:00 AM everyday sucks ass, but I'm also going to bed around 11 PM so that I can still get my 7-8 hours of sleep. I'm also starting to learn how to find what is going to be high-yield for exams in my notes, allowing for me to study more effectively. I'm really trying to learn the material not only to pass these exams, but to be a better future doctor overall…but it's hard man. There's just too much material to try and learn every little detail exactly, so I'm learning how to completely understand all the overall concepts while being at ease that I simply won't ever know everything. Guess that's just something you eventually learn while in medical school.

Something that's been kind of bugging me though is the fact that I'm actually becoming an adult…as a matter of fact I technically am an adult. Not only that, but I literally went from college where people all around me were around my age to being the fourth youngest person in my class…damn near everyone around me is grown. I'm still tryna wrap my head around that. I feel like a small part of my mind is still down in Miami in college and is unable to accept the fact that I'm not a kid anymore. I'm in the real freakin' world.

Ain't no more dining hall bih.

Ain't no more stroll-offs bihhh.

Ain't no more free merchandise bihhh.

Just me, this crazy world and all this damn debt that I'm putting myself in. It's still crazy to me that I have my bachelor's from undergrad and even crazier that I made it to medical school on my first try by the skin of my teeth. Sometimes I wonder what I would have actually done if I had decided to take a year off…

I'm also trying to wrap my head around the fact that medicine is literally going to be the rest of my life. Like, I'm actually going to be working in the medical field until the day I die. This is going to be my job, my passion, my desire. This is where my place will be in this world. It's honestly a surreal feeling. I've been working my whole life up to this point to make it into medical school and now that I'm actually here, I've really started to understand that this will be a lifelong journey. I just gotta make sure I make it worthwhile and that it doesn't take away my sanity…

F- it, I'll be good. I'm just airing out floating thoughts. Y'all didn't help support me all this time just to see me get anxious about my future!

If there is NO struggle, there is NO progress.

Y'all have a blessed week!

– Black Man, M.D.